Tales from the N Train

And the city keeps evolving

And the people keep revolving

All of eight-point-two-five million on the go 

The ambiance of the past few days has been so New York, I had to share. Today's tale began when I left my house, chatting to the landlord on my way out the door as he worked away with his Greek-Greek construction guys. (Whenever Theodora apologizes for the noise and the dust and the cigarette smoke that filters up from downstairs where the warzone construction site is located, she blames it on them being fresh off the boat from Greece, working here after their day jobs to send the money home to their families. Imagine her saying “It’s the Greeks, you know” in her own heavy Greek accent with an accompanying shrug and wave of the hand.)

Anyway, back to the point. The latest construction inconvenience was Ilia asking my permission to allow Con Edison into my apartment some time next week to swap out some wiring. So I did my Pacific Northwestern shrug and grin with an “ok.” He replied, “Why you no complain? All the time, is ok!” His English has been suffering a little since working with the Greek-Greeks.

Then on the train, a young Hispanic woman offered her seat to an older Russian woman who politely waved it off with a “no, thank you,” and the young lady replied, “Bueno? Ok.”

A few stops later, a dad and son got on the train. Shortly thereafter, I heard the most beautiful little-boy franglais (mixture of French and English). “Papa, je veux un photo. Take a picture, s’il te plaît! You see, the people get free wifi (pronounced weefee). Do you have AT&T?" (All the letters carefully pronounced in an American accent.)

By the time the Japanese teenagers entered, I was trying really hard to tune it all out so I could finish the end of my reading before class. But I have to admit I was distracted when I heard the words “Bruce Almighty” in the midst of the Japanese conversation. 

This is fresh on the heels of spending Saturday evening at a friend's housewarming party, where it turns out the majority of attendees were Jewish and celebrating Rosh Hashanah. CUNY gave us the week off for this new year holiday, so it was fun to be with people for whom this mattered, even if it took two and a half hours to get home from Brooklyn due to train delays, and I encountered way too much vermin underfoot on the transfer to the N. L'shanah tovah!

And to cap it all off, Sunday morning I shared a cab with a Broadway actress who was likewise trying to get to church on time for rehearsal and stalled by the N train being out of service.

New York may be growing on me.

Because Introverts Are So Popular: The "I'm Sorry" List of My Introversion

[Her] isolation is confirmation
Of [her] desperation for healing hugs
So [s]he's a bit of a fixer-upper…

So, I know it’s super popular online to be an introvert these days. To the extent that I had to tell my obviously extraverted brother a few months ago that, yes, he is an extravert, but that does not mean he’s obnoxious/overbearing/odious/etc. Extraverts do like some time alone. Introverts do like to be in groups [of people whom they love. Important distinction.]. For example, I spent much of Holy Week in large and small groups of people, yet I felt much more rested than if I had spent the entire spring break sleeping in the corner. More on Holy Week to come in a future blog, I hope. Anyway, I think the current internet introversion popularity might be attributable to the fact that extraverts are out doing life and introverts are at home re-charging and writing blog posts…

Regardless, here are a few of my “I’m sorry if my introversion has ever offended you” statements. Let’s be honest, I culled many of these from the resonant points of Buzzfeed lists and threw out those with which I disagreed. [For example: not all introverts are misanthropes. Caveat: NYC introverts might possibly all be misanthropes. I’m trying to avoid buying into that wholesale… but I’ll admit, I did verbally sigh, “oh, for the love,” as I zoomed around a cluster of distracted tourists on 35^th today. And I may have left class halfway through, pretending I needed a drink of water just so I could have a break from the banal banter on unrelated topics.]

1. I’m sorry I never actually answer my phone. Please leave me a message. I will call you back. I like to be mentally prepared for what you want me to say to you on the phone. Improv has never been my strong suit, especially when I can’t see your face.
2. With that in mind, I’ve become more comfortable with Skype/Facetime/Google Hangouts. But I do have to have a scheduled time to be in front of the camera. I still won’t just answer if you try to cold-call me.
3. If I’ve ignored your text, it’s not you, it’s me. Or the fact that I have finally promised myself a few hours of uninterrupted reading time and my phone is on ‘do not disturb’ mode.
4.  Just as an aside, that ‘do not disturb’ setting does allow for repeat calls to go through. If you really need me, please call right back. If you simply text “are you still up?” I might not notice it, though I’m probably still up.
5. If I’ve ignored Facebook private messages, that’s simply because the interface is conducive to forgetting that they exist. Gmail is a much better choice for reaching me.
6. If you text/call in the morning, yes, I am probably still sleeping. I don’t know why I try to pretend I’m not. If you hear my “morning voice” and I try to make some lame excuse about having a cold, I’m lying. I was up until 3 reading and still think that real grown-ups go to bed at 11 and get up at 6. Ok, this actually has very little to do with introversion…
7. Continuing on that thought process, if you hear my “morning voice,” don’t make a big deal of it. That’s the quickest way not to have your phone call answered the next time. If I’ve chosen to answer, you don’t have to feel guilty about calling.
8. And to make this list a paragraph, just don’t make a big deal of things in general. If I am clearly trying to move past something embarrassing, please do me a favor and move past it with me. I’m all about pretending embarrassing things didn’t happen.
9. I like living alone. Until I don’t. And that’s when I Facebook. Or cry over sentimental music. Or write a blog that may or may not look like this one. Or wash my dishes at 2am and dance around my kitchen, epically yet silently mouthing French musicals because I do still want to think of my neighbors. What can I say? Mine is an interesting apartment.
10. Before you even say it, I refuse to get a cat. My sister could never visit if I do, and I’m pretending that’s the main reason. The real main reason might be because if I get one cat, I’m pretty sure I’ll somehow end up with five and then I’ll be that woman.
11. I’m an introvert who loves planning and hosting parties. That’s when I know that I have ultimate control over my surroundings. If I’m invited to a party, I might have a mini panic attack because I don’t know what to expect. Let me at least pretend to co-host. Then I can step out of the room at any time to fetch more snacks from the kitchen and everyone will compliment me on being a good hostess instead of condemning me for being a bad conversationalist.
12. I’m much funnier in writing than in person. Sorry if my conversations are actually that bad. I need time to think things through.
13. I’m really not fond of leading questions when I can sense that it’s more about what you want to tell me than what you want to ask me. If you want to say something, just say it. If you want to know something, ask it outright. I’m not likely to press you for details unless you offer and not likely to offer details unless I really have something to say.
14. I’m sorry if I’ve bailed on you for outings. I like the idea of getting together with people I love. But I also get easily overwhelmed by actually rubbing shoulders with people I don’t know. It often comes down to whether or not I have a clear purpose or goal for going out.
15. As a follow up, here are some places I hate: bars with loud music so I can’t hear you; bars with TVs so I can’t manage to focus on you; places where I will inevitably be standing in someone’s way; parties with too many people so cross-conversations distract me; basically anywhere where extraneous stimulation keeps me from actually talking to you.
16. If I’m in public somewhere and reading a book, I’m probably actually interested in or trying to finish said book. I’m not usually one to hide behind a book hoping that someone will talk to me.
17. On the flip-side, if I’m twiddling on my phone, it’s probably bejeweled blitz. You’re more than welcome to interrupt that. Sorry! I’m confusing!
18. If you hear my fake voice when I’m small-talking, I am sorry. I’d love to have a real conversation with you. But when it turns to small talk, I can’t turn off the fake voice.
19. If I’m completely silent in a room with you, please don’t think I hate you. It’s quite likely a good sign that I really like you and am completely at ease. Bonus points if I end up humming or singing without realizing it. That’s when you’ve really arrived at putting me at ease.
20. I really like people. But I’m rather selfish and I like you on my own terms. Please feel free to call me on it; just don’t assume that introverts don’t like people. 

Also, in re-reading, I've realized this is only about half apology. The other half is kind of authoritarian. Oops.

In Which I Liken My Professional Life to Facebook. Help Me Now...

Sing, swing, savor the sting

As she severs you, Madame Guillotine

Slice, come Paradise

You’ll be smitten with Madame Guillotine

So here I am with precious few days left to get a post in this January! January – the month that went by a lot faster than expected. I’m back in NYC and rather glad to be back into a new semester as of last Monday. I can only handle unstructured time for a few weeks before it wears on me.

My vision of the upcoming semester changed about six times in the course of two weeks. First the news came that my elective class was to be canceled. So I chose a backup option… which also got canceled. The end result is an independent study, which I’m actually looking forward to greatly. I’ll be reading with my advisor, Professor Rosenblatt, who described one of the potential texts as “a little piece of candy that melts in your mouth.” This promises to be a good semester.

Besides the changing class schedule, so did my research assistant job change a few times. They shuffled me around in a circle and ultimately back to my original assignment with Professor Sorkin, so it was simply an exercise in how often I would be willing to say, “Sure, whatever works.” I have no dignity, my friends. My biggest goal in life is to keep people happy and not rock the boat. (and to be independently wealthy. you knew I had to say it.) I am glad to have landed back in my original spot.

But the most exciting recent news truly has nothing to do with this semester. I received my teaching assignment for next year. Next fall, I’ll be handling a class of undergraduates at John Jay College. The head of the department there was my literature prof last semester, so I sent her an email to let her know I’d be there next fall. And she gave me the following reply: choose a microhistory class you’d like to teach…

Let me interrupt myself for a moment to tell you what I had been expecting. As the story goes for us PhD students, we get assigned to CUNY schools around the city and then the Americanists teach American history while the Europeanists teach ancient world (generally non-European) history. So, I was busy thinking, Mesopotamia, here I come. It took me at least two days to recover from the shock of having a choice and tentatively ask if I could teach on the French Revolution.

And the reply? If I come up with a catchy title, yes.

Please note how amazing this is. My first teaching assignment will actually be in my field. I was giving myself at least two years into a tenure track job before I got to teach French Rev. (And for my readers not living in an academia-saturated world, it can possibly take a year+ of post-doc work plus some adjunct positions before one dreams of landing a tenure track position.)

So this leaves me with one immense task for this semester (besides, you know, school). I have to come up with a clever title for my class. My Class. MY CLASS. Yikes.

I mean, how hard can it be, right? I basically need to write a Facebook status that will be put into a course catalog for a few weeks. And on my CV for life… Um… Suggestions gladly considered…

How Do You Like New York???

'Cause getting your dreams

It's strange, but it seems

A little, well, complicated

I know that two blog posts this close together may come as a bit of a shock, but I wrote this one first and then realized it was kind of a downer for a Christmas post. So I thought I’d give you all a happier update first. Here you have a second post for December, squeezing in just before the year turns over.

Naturally, having been in NYC for four months, people have been wondering how much I love and adore it and never want to leave (I know it's not intended, but I feel a guilt trip packed into these questions). To help explain how I actually feel about this city, I have included a show-and-tell illustration. In celebration of having survived the city thus far and as an early Christmas present to myself, I bought the following at the NYPL book shop:

Of course, this is a riff off of the ever-popular “I <3 NY” that is emblazoned on sweatshirts, key chains, and tote bags at every souvenir stand. The subtitle, if it is too small to see, reads “I feel relatively neutral about New York.” It pretty well sums up my current stance towards the city.

Ok, yes, yes. It is a great place to visit. It is very exciting and bustling. There are lots of things to do and see. It has good food. But as a place to live, it is overwhelming, expensive, and the bustle is not necessarily enjoyable for someone with “high sensitivity.” (I did all sorts of reading this summer on introversion, so now I have tons of fancy vocabulary to explain why I shut down after bumping into the tenth tourist of the day and hearing yet another hip hop song bleeding through someone’s earbuds on the subway.)

I have realized that the Facebook-status version of my life is super rosy and leads everyone to the conclusion that I’m totally at ease in the city. This is probably because the following status updates did not make the cut:

“Having yet another grocery-store meltdown due to the standard 50% markup. NO I will NOT spend $6 on Cheerios!!!”

“Did I get any homework done today, you ask? No. It took me all day to wash my clothes because I’ve been dreading the trip to the laundromat and finally had to go because everything I own was dirty.”

“There is a rat on the tracks. How did a rat get on these tracks? This is an elevated subway stop! NOWHERE IS SAFE!!!”

“What was I thinking, going to school kitty-corner to the Empire State Building? Everyone who lives in NYC knows to avoid Midtown like the plague.”

“That moment you know you’ve chosen the wrong subway car, yet again: ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s showtime!’”

“Thought about going out tonight. Decided I’d hide inside instead. I have too much reading to do, anyway.”

“Wanted to go ice skating in Bryant Park. Until that guy got shot for having a nice coat.”

“No, I don’t want to buy a bus tour/bike tour/carriage tour/ticket to the Empire State Building. I’m just walkin’ to school; please don’t stand in my path.”

“Tourists: GO AWAY. Or at least learn how to walk on a sidewalk.”

So, the goal is to enjoy my time away and strategize a fresh, new plan of attack for when I return. Because I agree with you all – the city has a lot to offer. I have wanted to go to NYC for a long time. Let’s be honest, since I started reading the Babysitters’ Club and decided I should be Stacey. And then since I became obsessed with Broadway musicals and NYC became my Mecca. And come on, Norah Ephron makes New York seem like the most magical place in the world, second only to Paris.

I just need to get over the hurdle of how expensive everything is and the fact that the first semester of my PhD was exhausting. Neither the expense nor the exhaustion is likely to go away, but I’ll grow accustomed to it. Game plan upon my return is to finally make up my mind about what musical I want to see first and just GO ALREADY.

And really, feeling “relatively neutral” means that I don’t hate living in NYC. I am making friends, discovering great places to eat, and taking advantage of some of what the city has to offer such as Jazz in Central Park and opportunities to see Orlando Bloom onstage. I found a great church with great people and awesome musicians to sing with. There are some major perks to living in the City of all cities. Friends from all walks of life come to visit, academic resources are in abundance, and each season brings something new to see and do.

It’s just that the transition has been difficult, but that was to be expected. And get ready for this: I miss the Midwest. Gasp! But it’s true, nostalgia gets me every time. I miss shopping at my familiar grocery stores, being able to see a movie for five bucks at the theatre down the road from my house, babysitting Julia and Ruthie, Gus and Bess, and the Williamson kids, cooking in a kitchen that was thrice the size of my current one, and spending time with my friends from Wheaton College and Church of the Resurrection.

And you know what, darnit? I desperately miss singing every Thursday. Like, good, solid, sight-reading-and-building-technique, blending-your-voice-with-fifty-others kind of singing. There’s a shout-out, Resurrection Chancel Choir. Sigh.

To everything there is a season.

Merry Christmas to all!

Our success is guaranteed!

Christmas will be thrilling!
Yes, Christmas will exceed
Our finest dreams

In preparing to leave NYC for Christmas break, I dearly wanted to get as much work as possible done so that I could really and truly take a good break. I had already bought my flight before learning when the first half of my first-year exam would take place, but since it was to be an “email back in 8 hours” type of test, I knew I could take it from Oregon. The semester officially ran through the calendar until December 23, but there was no way I was going to fly on Christmas Eve.

The original wrapping-up goal, then, was to fly to Boise on Tuesday, spend the following day sequestered at my sister’s house studying, and take the final on Thursday, finishing my semester just a few days after leaving the city behind me.

And then Professor Sorkin gave us until Dec. 25 to turn in our 20-page historiographical reviews. Sigh. I knew then that my plan to finish early was doomed.

Because here’s the thing. Regardless of what I tell myself about when I need to get things done, I simply cannot abide by my own, false deadlines. I consistently work right up until things are due, and this semester has been no exception. As much as I appreciate the grace that was extended with that late deadline, I so wanted him to light a fire by saying it was due earlier.

Anyway, I still lied to myself and set a goal to finish that paper before my flight. As the time drew nearer, my goal shifted to finishing a draft before the flight. Then just to finish the books before the end of Monday so I could return them to the library. And finally, the goal that I could manage was the only one with an external authority telling me it had to be met: I finished the books that were going to be due before I would get back from break.

So, packing up the remaining books along with all my exam notes, I dragged extra weight with me onto the flight and set a new goal of getting the paper turned in before Christmas. So hey, I reached my goal! I guess it was silly to think I could finish the first semester of my PhD earlier, but I am pleased to say that I turned the paper in a whole 24 hours before the end-date of the semester, and a full three days before Prof. Sorkin’s deadline.

In addition, I got word back that I passed the exam, so they won’t bar me from returning for classes at the end of January! Merry Christmas to me!

Now that I am officially on break, I have done the following:

Shopped at Walmart (hey, don’t judge me. I happen to like purchasing my shampoo on the cheap, and I’ve been overpaying for everything for four months now).

Bought groceries for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and just lots of groceries.

Watched Muppet Christmas Carol and part of Elf.

Drove around in Connie’s stick shift. I only killed the engine once. Cut me some slack, it’s been four months since I’ve driven anything at all.

Babysat Macy. In fact, currently babysitting Macy as I type. This consists of me listening to make sure she’s still sleeping and not crying. Check.

Watched a few eps of Doctor Who, since I’m still a couple seasons behind (Dear Steven Moffat: not all Americans shoot guns. And Hugh Bonneville makes a great pirate. And I’m still not convinced about Matt Smith. Horrid hair and kinda spastic.)

Drank lots of coffee. Not only is there a Dutch Bros in town (be still, my caffeinated heart), Connie has an espresso machine. So happy.

Watched Psych the Musical. Yes, this exists. It was glorious.

Ate Mexican food.

It has been a good break thus far.

Fame! I'm gonna live forever

I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade

I had high hopes of making this post in before November came and confirmed this as a monthly blog, but maybe that's the best that I'm capable of at this point. Oh reading lists and research responsibilities.

So, if you're on Facebook, you may have seen some strange posts a few weeks ago regarding media fame and a certain cutest baby in the world. Ok, so I'm biased about my little niece Macy June, but I have verifiable sources that have agreed with me that she is adorable. Those sources are located on the vast interwebs. Yes, my niece went viral, so here is the story, all gathered in one place. Caveat: I make no promises about additional content on these websites.

Eddie (brother-mine) and Robin (my sister-in-law) have been taking pictures with little Macy, who has the most expressive face I've ever seen on a one-month-old. Basically, Ed started mimicking Macy's faces and snapping pics on his iPhone, posting them on Facebook for the family. Then he put them on his reddit account. He woke up the next morning to find that his post had gotten enough clicks and comments to make the front page of Reddit (exhibit a. Since I think that link takes you to the comments instead of to the pictures, here's what he posted.)

Next, Buzzfeed wrote an article about the Reddit fame. Believe me, I learned a lot about the world wide web over the past few weeks. Websites I had never heard of were showing pictures of my niece to people in Tokyo. Thus exhibit b. Also front-page stuff.

The local news wrote up a little article on the viral trend. See exhibit c.

Then Huffington Post caught the Macy-wave. Click for exhibit d.

In the meantime, I posted about it on my Facebook page. Sure, I may be considered a millennial, but the internet still blows my mind. A friend who has never met anyone in my family commented that she had been showing the pictures to her sister via Twitter earlier that day. This is crazy. But I figured it would be fifteen minutes of fame and done. I mean, how long does something remain viral in an online world where there will always be a new cat picture to look at? In fact, going viral sounds like a terrible condition to have. So sorry, little Macy.

But her fame continued to spread. Good Morning America contacted my brother to ask if they could use the pictures. Eddie gave us a heads up. I sat around thinking, man, for once I wish I had a TV. Then it hit me: I live in the city where this is filmed... So I went to the filming to be a part of the outdoor 'studio' audience. There is little else in the world that will get me on the N/Q train by 6am and standing in a crowd in Times Square for two hours as the sun rises and the rainclouds threaten. Man, from 2500 miles away this baby has me wrapped around her little finger. Unfortunately, Macy's pictures didn't show up. But you can see my head in the crowd if you so desire - behind Guy Fieri in this rather inane clip about his TV show. Also behind a group of ladies in denim with pink fringe. It was an interesting crowd.

I went the next day with no luck. I had a friend coming the following day, so I didn't go back. Naturally, third time would have been the charm. Apparently Macy's pics were shown on the weekend edition, but GMA is lame (there, I said it!) and I can't find a clip anywhere, so we'll have to take the internet chatter at its word.

Meanwhile in another part of the kingdom, the locals got wind of a famous baby in their midst and came to Eddie and Robin's house with a video camera. Besides the three now-famous relatives, my sister Connie's be-flip-flopped feet feature in this interview. To shorten matters just a little, this video is from a local Idaho news station but is presented on CNN, because yes, at 1-month old, my niece also made the front page of the CNN website. For being cute. This is confirmation, people.

Then Fox News paid them to drive 300 miles to a news studio and put them up in a hotel to conduct this interview at 6:30 in the morning. I mean, the news people did recall that these are new parents, right? Props to E and R for talking to a national audience that early in the morning.

Then Diane Sawyer showed the pics on ABC News. Yes, you clicked on the correct link. Macy features directly after Pope Francis. Whaaaaat? Oh, and before a drunk Koala. That's the news, folks.

Then Ellen Degeneres hopped on the Macy-train. I can't tell if she actually aired the pics or if they only made it to her website, but come on. They made it to her website.

So, with appearances on Pinterest, The Blaze, and, oh yes, that Twitter  sighting mentioned above, this baby girl has had more fame than I think I'll ever have. And I, too, have only met her on screen. And with that, I leave you with a pic from yesterday's Macy-Auntie K chat session. This baby is super techy. And adorable.

Hey Look, It's School-Related!

With a dreamy, far-off look 

and her nose stuck in a book...

It's finally time for something regarding my scholarly endeavors. Because, as you know, I moved to New York to study. So, besides reading a lot of medieval history and Jewish history in the past few weeks, I’ve also been looking towards my first-year paper. Here are some thoughts.

At Wheaton, my group of study partners and friends, known in various circles as the history girls or the blonde triumvirate (Katherine, Gillian, and I), had a running joke about our studies. When working on a particular historical figure, we would talk about it in terms of dates at the library. Turning in our research papers and returning the related library books marked the end of the relationship, and we were usually fairly glad to break up with whomever we had spent those Friday nights reading and analyzing. It's still a toss-up whether my worst date was Cotton Mather or Karl Barth.

However, I find myself in unknown territory as I consider rekindling an old relationship with the Abbé Henri Grégoire. You may know that I studied this fascinating French priest for the final paper of my MA. If you don't, the short version is that he was a supporter of the French Revolution who did not give up his faith but tried to harmonize religion and revolution. As I quipped in one paper, the most fascinating thing about him is that he made it through the Revolution with his religion and his person intact. He lost neither his faith nor his head, which is saying something for that time and place.

And now I'm considering asking him to go steady. I find myself in tension between needing to specialize as a PhD student and wanting to generalize in order to be prepared for a teaching career. In the end, however, one obvious fact is that I need to choose my topic of research for my first-year paper.

It's time for me to begin delving into archives and bulking up on my secondary literature, but that means choosing a trajectory. Do I stay in familiar waters or begin something completely unknown? I should take steps towards becoming an expert in something specific, but do I want my MA to have set the course for the rest of my studies? The biggest question remains: do my feelings for Grégoire run deep enough to sustain what could possibly be a five-to-seven year relationship? Am I going to be that person at conferences who relates absolutely everything that anyone says to Grégoire? (Yes, this happens. Heaven forbid.)

Thankfully, my urgency was tamed a bit when I spoke with my research seminar professor about this question. She suggested that I do a little of each: continue to study Grégoire, but start by contextualizing him in more detail. She suggested I start off by looking through some of those thousands of French revolutionary pamphlets at the NYPL to get a sense of the discussion on religion. In other words, stay in familiar waters, but become more familiar with their depths.

Thus I spent Friday carefully turning pages that were over 200 years old. I love being an historian.