How Do You Like New York???

'Cause getting your dreams

It's strange, but it seems

A little, well, complicated

I know that two blog posts this close together may come as a bit of a shock, but I wrote this one first and then realized it was kind of a downer for a Christmas post. So I thought I’d give you all a happier update first. Here you have a second post for December, squeezing in just before the year turns over.

Naturally, having been in NYC for four months, people have been wondering how much I love and adore it and never want to leave (I know it's not intended, but I feel a guilt trip packed into these questions). To help explain how I actually feel about this city, I have included a show-and-tell illustration. In celebration of having survived the city thus far and as an early Christmas present to myself, I bought the following at the NYPL book shop:

Of course, this is a riff off of the ever-popular “I <3 NY” that is emblazoned on sweatshirts, key chains, and tote bags at every souvenir stand. The subtitle, if it is too small to see, reads “I feel relatively neutral about New York.” It pretty well sums up my current stance towards the city.

Ok, yes, yes. It is a great place to visit. It is very exciting and bustling. There are lots of things to do and see. It has good food. But as a place to live, it is overwhelming, expensive, and the bustle is not necessarily enjoyable for someone with “high sensitivity.” (I did all sorts of reading this summer on introversion, so now I have tons of fancy vocabulary to explain why I shut down after bumping into the tenth tourist of the day and hearing yet another hip hop song bleeding through someone’s earbuds on the subway.)

I have realized that the Facebook-status version of my life is super rosy and leads everyone to the conclusion that I’m totally at ease in the city. This is probably because the following status updates did not make the cut:

“Having yet another grocery-store meltdown due to the standard 50% markup. NO I will NOT spend $6 on Cheerios!!!”

“Did I get any homework done today, you ask? No. It took me all day to wash my clothes because I’ve been dreading the trip to the laundromat and finally had to go because everything I own was dirty.”

“There is a rat on the tracks. How did a rat get on these tracks? This is an elevated subway stop! NOWHERE IS SAFE!!!”

“What was I thinking, going to school kitty-corner to the Empire State Building? Everyone who lives in NYC knows to avoid Midtown like the plague.”

“That moment you know you’ve chosen the wrong subway car, yet again: ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s showtime!’”

“Thought about going out tonight. Decided I’d hide inside instead. I have too much reading to do, anyway.”

“Wanted to go ice skating in Bryant Park. Until that guy got shot for having a nice coat.”

“No, I don’t want to buy a bus tour/bike tour/carriage tour/ticket to the Empire State Building. I’m just walkin’ to school; please don’t stand in my path.”

“Tourists: GO AWAY. Or at least learn how to walk on a sidewalk.”

So, the goal is to enjoy my time away and strategize a fresh, new plan of attack for when I return. Because I agree with you all – the city has a lot to offer. I have wanted to go to NYC for a long time. Let’s be honest, since I started reading the Babysitters’ Club and decided I should be Stacey. And then since I became obsessed with Broadway musicals and NYC became my Mecca. And come on, Norah Ephron makes New York seem like the most magical place in the world, second only to Paris.

I just need to get over the hurdle of how expensive everything is and the fact that the first semester of my PhD was exhausting. Neither the expense nor the exhaustion is likely to go away, but I’ll grow accustomed to it. Game plan upon my return is to finally make up my mind about what musical I want to see first and just GO ALREADY.

And really, feeling “relatively neutral” means that I don’t hate living in NYC. I am making friends, discovering great places to eat, and taking advantage of some of what the city has to offer such as Jazz in Central Park and opportunities to see Orlando Bloom onstage. I found a great church with great people and awesome musicians to sing with. There are some major perks to living in the City of all cities. Friends from all walks of life come to visit, academic resources are in abundance, and each season brings something new to see and do.

It’s just that the transition has been difficult, but that was to be expected. And get ready for this: I miss the Midwest. Gasp! But it’s true, nostalgia gets me every time. I miss shopping at my familiar grocery stores, being able to see a movie for five bucks at the theatre down the road from my house, babysitting Julia and Ruthie, Gus and Bess, and the Williamson kids, cooking in a kitchen that was thrice the size of my current one, and spending time with my friends from Wheaton College and Church of the Resurrection.

And you know what, darnit? I desperately miss singing every Thursday. Like, good, solid, sight-reading-and-building-technique, blending-your-voice-with-fifty-others kind of singing. There’s a shout-out, Resurrection Chancel Choir. Sigh.

To everything there is a season.